Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
