dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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