Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
