How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize