Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize