he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
