is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
