Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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