Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
