Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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