i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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