I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
