5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
