Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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