IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
