We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
