Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
