Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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