Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize