we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
