Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
