do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
