i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
