I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
