drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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