dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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