I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
