i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
