Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
