May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize