do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She bit a glass in half.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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