I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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