SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
