Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Randomize
