the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize