hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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