evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
