I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
