All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize