Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
