I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Edward fifth and chaser hands
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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