did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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