it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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