We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize