i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
