I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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