Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize