I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
