So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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