Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
