Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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