he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
