so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
