I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
