on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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