being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
