and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
