I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
