Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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