winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
