Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize