im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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