He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
