it was like eating out sand paper
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
