4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
