Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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