I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You don't make any sense
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