upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
