they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
