my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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