Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
